MY LIFE WAS SHATTERED WHEN HE LEFT ME.

That's the saddest reality. I was okay when we were still together. I always think in positive light, I enjoy life, I feel content and totally worthy. I was not afraid to take risks during those times 'cause I know he's just there beside me, guiding me in my life. But everything suddenly changed when he chose to leave me and chose to waste those years we built together. Everything changed when he chose to be with another just to feed his immaturity and selfishness. It hurt me so much that until now I haven't recovered from every pain and humiliation I have received from what he did to me. I still haven't had that strength and power to overcome every inch of betrayal and foolishness he had given me. I still haven't had the enough push to be in the place where I should really be because of the fact that he never really taught me how to be on my own.

He was a big part of my life. My life had revolved around him. He was my only source of courage and motivation to wake up each day in my life. He was that one person I have never wished to but has become mine. He was that one I have never dreamed of but has become that someone I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was that imperfect guy no girl would ask for but his imperfections will surely tell you that he's perfectly enough for you. He was my prince before I realize that fairy tales and happy endings really do not exist for me. He was mine before I realize that I have never really owned any part of him. It's just pretty much amazing that reality sometimes would just slap you in the face for you to realize that you cannot really own anything in this world forever. It's amazing that you'll just suddenly feel the need to let go of someone God has just lent to you. It's like a book that needs to be returned to the library. A book you haven't finished reading yet but is now needed to be returned because it's due date already. That even if you still want to continue reading that book or continue with your story, time and chances would just have to tell you that everything now needs to end or to be ended - whether you like it or not. Letting go which would surely pain you and make you feel sad for a time in your life.

I never did understand why certain things happened and the reasons why I needed to experience such heartbreaks. I always try to look for answers to my questions only to find out that even the one who should be giving those does not know them. I always try to look for answers to every why's and how's of those events only to be frustrated 'cause that person does not know for himself why and how everything had happened. It's tiring looking for answers to questions which nobody really wants to answer all this time. But I have realized that maybe sometimes you just have to let things happen for you to better understand its reasons. That in the end, answers to such questions really do not matter anymore and that whatever eagerness you may have just to understand things would never really be enough.

There would also come a time in your struggle when you thought things have already changed for you and that you are now ready to accept all the shits and lies you have encountered. A time when you thought you have already understand every unsaid explanations and reasons you're asking all your life. But then again, in a split second and when you least expect it to, everything will just have to suddenly conspire to make you realize that you still haven't let go and still haven't moved on with everything that has happened. That underneath your conscious self, you are still being consumed with all the bitterness and hatred you have about him. and that you still haven't had really accepted every little truth that happened between your relationship.

~IF ONLY~

If only love was simple. Then I would have held your hand, and I would have stayed at that moment.

If only love was simple. Then I would have told you that I love you, without worrying that you would not feel the same.

If only love was simple. Then I would have been able to talk about it easily.

If only love was simple. Then I should have told you my true feelings many times before.

If only love was simple. Then I should not have wasted chances.

If only love was simple. Then I could have been there for you when you needed me. You knew very well why I couldn't.

If only love was simple. Then I would not have to apologize so many times.

If only love was simple. Then I did not have to leave without uttering a word.

If only love was simple. Then I did not have to shed a tear.

If only love was simple. Then I would not feel this certain distance between us

If only love was simple. Then I would have held your hand and everything would be okay, just like before...

If only love was simple. Then I would not have to wish for you to be here again.

If only love was simple. Then I would have not held on longer than I should. All I want is for you to be happy.

If only love was simple. Then I would not be lonely anymore. I'm so empty without you.

If only love was simple....

I wish love was simple.

But its not.

MY LIFE WAS SHATTERED WHEN HE LEFT ME.

That's the saddest reality. I was okay when we were still together. I always think in positive light, I enjoy life, I feel content and totally worthy. I was not afraid to take risks during those times 'cause I know he's just there beside me, guiding me in my life. But everything suddenly changed when he chose to leave me and chose to waste those years we built together. Everything changed when he chose to be with another just to feed his immaturity and selfishness. It hurt me so much that until now I haven't recovered from every pain and humiliation I have received from what he did to me. I still haven't had that strength and power to overcome every inch of betrayal and foolishness he had given me. I still haven't had the enough push to be in the place where I should really be because of the fact that he never really taught me how to be on my own.

He was a big part of my life. My life had revolved around him. He was my only source of courage and motivation to wake up each day in my life. He was that one person I have never wished to but has become mine. He was that one I have never dreamed of but has become that someone I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was that imperfect guy no girl would ask for but his imperfections will surely tell you that he's perfectly enough for you. He was my prince before I realize that fairy tales and happy endings really do not exist for me. He was mine before I realize that I have never really owned any part of him. It's just pretty much amazing that reality sometimes would just slap you in the face for you to realize that you cannot really own anything in this world forever. It's amazing that you'll just suddenly feel the need to let go of someone God has just lent to you. It's like a book that needs to be returned to the library. A book you haven't finished reading yet but is now needed to be returned because it's due date already. That even if you still want to continue reading that book or continue with your story, time and chances would just have to tell you that everything now needs to end or to be ended - whether you like it or not. Letting go which would surely pain you and make you feel sad for a time in your life.

I never did understand why certain things happened and the reasons why I needed to experience such heartbreaks. I always try to look for answers to my questions only to find out that even the one who should be giving those does not know them. I always try to look for answers to every why's and how's of those events only to be frustrated 'cause that person does not know for himself why and how everything had happened. It's tiring looking for answers to questions which nobody really wants to answer all this time. But I have realized that maybe sometimes you just have to let things happen for you to better understand its reasons. That in the end, answers to such questions really do not matter anymore and that whatever eagerness you may have just to understand things would never really be enough.

There would also come a time in your struggle when you thought things have already changed for you and that you are now ready to accept all the shits and lies you have encountered. A time when you thought you have already understand every unsaid explanations and reasons you're asking all your life. But then again, in a split second and when you least expect it to, everything will just have to suddenly conspire to make you realize that you still haven't let go and still haven't moved on with everything that has happened. That underneath your conscious self, you are still being consumed with all the bitterness and hatred you have about him. and that you still haven't had really accepted every little truth that happened between your relationship.

~IF ONLY~

If only love was simple. Then I would have held your hand, and I would have stayed at that moment.

If only love was simple. Then I would have told you that I love you, without worrying that you would not feel the same.

If only love was simple. Then I would have been able to talk about it easily.

If only love was simple. Then I should have told you my true feelings many times before.

If only love was simple. Then I should not have wasted chances.

If only love was simple. Then I could have been there for you when you needed me. You knew very well why I couldn't.

If only love was simple. Then I would not have to apologize so many times.

If only love was simple. Then I did not have to leave without uttering a word.

If only love was simple. Then I did not have to shed a tear.

If only love was simple. Then I would not feel this certain distance between us

If only love was simple. Then I would have held your hand and everything would be okay, just like before...

If only love was simple. Then I would not have to wish for you to be here again.

If only love was simple. Then I would have not held on longer than I should. All I want is for you to be happy.

If only love was simple. Then I would not be lonely anymore. I'm so empty without you.

If only love was simple....

I wish love was simple.

But its not.