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Yo!
Hello. Welcome to my blog. Read stories about my life
and everything under the sun. This blog is edited by ME. Copyrighted 2009 by misspiggiebanks.blogspot.com .
COPYCATS, Posers and Rippers are not welcome here! Strictly . Please leave a comment and thanks for viewing. Enjoy!
Hello! :)
I'm Richelle Anne de Castro Bartolome, normally called Chelle or Rich.
A 22-year old lady from Sta. Cruz, Manila who loves to express her randomness through her online journal. A Thomasian by heart. A counselor who loves to give advices but finds
it difficult to deal with her own miseries in love and life. An introvert, trying to live her life outside her box. And a hopeless romantic who would do
anything for her real prince charming. Ü Follow me?
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Tama na. Maawa ka na sa sarili mo.
PAGOD NA PAGOD NA AKO. Kahit anung gawin ko, ganun na talaga sya. SInaktan nya ako, andito pa rin ako. Ginago nya ako, inintindi ko pa rin sya. Binasura nya ako, gumawa pa rin ako ng paraan. Pero lahat yun, winalang bahala nya lang. Hindi ko maintidihan kung anong nangyari sa lahat lahat. Sa isang iglap, naglaho lang lahat ng ipinundar namin. Mahal ko sya, sobra. Pero bakit ganun? Naging ganito lahat. Nagsasawa na ako. Napapagod na ako. Tama na. Maawa naman ako sa sarili ko. Tang-ina! Tatlong buwan akong naghintay sa paliwanag nya, yun lang ang ibibigay nya? Hindi ko matatanggap yun. Leche. Sana masaya sya sa buhay nya ngayun. Sana balang-araw hindi niya pagsisihan yung mga ginawa nya sakin. Sana lang talaga. Tandaan nya to, kapag dumating yung panahon na hihingi sya ng tawad sakin, hinding-hindi ko ibibigay sa kanya yun. Ilang pagkakataon ang binigay ko sa kanya pero sinayang nya lang. Wala na akong magagawa dun. Tapos na sya sa buhay ko.
**Sige, hindi na ako magpaparamdam sayo. Sana ikaw rin. Lumayo ka na sakin habambuhay. Wag mo nang dagdagan pa yung sakit na binibigay mo sakin. Oo, loser ako. Loser ako kasi hindi ako makamove on tulad nga ng sabi mo. Pero sa araw na makalimutan kita, sinasabi ko sayo, pagsisisihan mo lahat ng ginawa mo sakin.**
Why did I keep quiet?
Alot of people have been asking me the reasons why I kept quiet for so long. They have been asking me why I did not blog everything about us lately. Well, there's no reason really. Prolly, I was just afriad to announce and inform everyone that we are now together because I was afraid of the things people might say about us. It's not that people would be against us. It's just that people will surely ask us questions and questions about how we two have been close with each other, and now, in a relationship. And that will surely piss me off 'cause I don't enjoy making kwento anymore. Yes.
The real story about that is this. Vince and I have been together for about three weeks now. We met through a common friend (Mae) last February 2006. Nobody knew about this. We lost communication for some time then recently, when I was making pasyal in MOA alone, I bumped at him and that started everything we have now. Vince and I's friendship is a lot more different from my ex and I's. We take some time to hang out and not just by texting every hour of everyday. We enjoy simple things and promises nothing but trying our best to make our thing work. Being with Vince for a couple of days only makes me realize a lot of things - that life is really full of surprises. Getting hurt so much and experiencing a lot of pain would just mean that there's still better things that'll happen in the future. So why not risk again? Maybe this is what I've always waited for. :)
Life update.
My life update as of July 24, 2009, 7:31pm.
Work
Still the same issue - resigning from my work. I have given my letter of resignation about two weeks ago already but sadly, the HR manager gave it back to me and didn't allow me to resign. For what reason? I really don't know. Haha I mean, I cannot clearly understand her reason/s for not allowing me. She said so many things kasi and I haven't really absorbed anything from them. Hehehe alam nyu naman ako? Lost. As always. She asked me to give her two months to find my replacement and she even told me that I should not resign immediately so that I can preserve my integrity. What integrity? My integrity? Or hers? Lolz. Btw, now I am calling all Psych graduates who have no work - PM me. Gideon Academy, a Filipino-Chinese school in Pasay City (near Pasay City Hall), opening for Guidance Counselor/Disciplinary Officer/Student Affairs Officer. Not-so-good compensation. Not-so-good people to work with but good-looking students are perfectly present. Lolz. I need you Psych guys. Seriously :)) And syempre, I need another work. Ahahahahaha so if you have openings too for Psych Grad. especially in the Educational field, I am just here. Please PM me. Hehe Back to the "resigning" thingy, I then told myself that I'm gonna make AWOL in the middle of September na lang para makaalis ako dun but kanina, they let me sign the contract na and I was not able to do anything but sign it. Waah! Nakakaasar. But they assured me naman that I can still pass my resignation if I am not really interested anymore given that I submit my resignation letter in a 30-day notice. *Sigh* 30 days? No!! So I have finally, as in F-I-N-A-L-L-Y decided to submit that letter on Monday cause I can't really bear to be there anymore. And I can't wait to be bum again. Ahaha :)) Honestly, I had no problems with the students there. I just really didn't like most of my work and of course, the people there. Hehehe *Peace!* Love What's that word again? Lolz. Well, nothing's been happening in my "lovelife" lately and I am okay with that na. I mean, being single and having no one to be with you is not really that fun but I am already slowly getting used to that now. Hahaha I am starting to enjoy my single life and I am also so much having fun in "tripping" on people and on making "revenge". Ahaha yes guys, I am much meaner than before. 'Cause he made me like that! :)) I just remembered kasi that we promised each other before nga pala that we're gonna make each other's life miserable if anyone of us would left and hurt each other. So now, I am so fulfiiling that promise of ours 'cause I want to change the "promises-are-made-to-be-broken" thing into "whatever-that-promise-is-whether-good-or-bad-I-will-fulfill-it". Hahaha :)) (Sorry Lord.)
Moving On But Not Letting Go.
I've had enough.
No, don't try to reason with me, this is too much.
I will try not to think of you when I wake up in the morning and ask myself if somehow you are also awake. I have my own life to lead and my own life to think of. No, I won't even think of you while I'm eating my lunch wondering if you're doing the same thing, because sooner or later I know you will.
No, never again will I go to the comfort room and lock myself in just to have some privacy to piteously think of you, cry, sing or do some silly things because of you. And no, never will i again think of you last when I go to sleep. Sleep is my only rest, so please don't plague me in my dreams.
I am moving on.
I'll try to wake up in the morning and smile and think not of why you left but that once you stayed.
And if I feel the need to cry, it will not be for the future that we could have, not for the regrets that I have nor of the anger that i feel, but I will cry because of a love that I never was able to share with the one man I felt it for. I will cry for the love that was lost, and not for the man who left.
I will give my affections to any man who is need of it, but not my heart because I still am trying to get it back from you. I will give him the love that you never wanted, the kiss that I so longed to give you and the words that once was yours. Worthy or not worthy of it, at least he's here,you're not.
I'll try to hold back the tears when I think of you. I'll just try to smile.
I am moving on.. and hoping that the next thing would be letting go.
*copied.
COPIED...
COPIED...
Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong aalalahanin, wala na akong iisipin.
Pero hirap akong matulog sa gabi dahil bumabalik yung mga alaala noong magkasama kami. Naiisip ko kung paano niya hawakan yung kamay ko, yung tipong nagsasabing hindi niya ako iiwanan. Kung pano niya ko yakapin, yung nagsasabing lagi niya akong poprotektahan. At kung pano niya ako halikan, yung nagsasabing mahal na mahal nya ako.
Yehey! Wala na kami. Hindi na ako iiyak pa...
Pero kapag gabi nagagawa ko pa ring umiyak, dahil nami-miss ko siya. Nami-miss ko yung mga ngiti niyang nakakaloko, mga jokes niyang corny, mga tingin niyang nakakatunaw, tawa niyang nakakabaliw, pangungulit niya sa akin at kung anu-ano pang kapraningan na ginagawa niya. Nami-miss ko yun...
Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong tatawagan, hindi na ako magte-text sa kanya, at makakaipon na ako ng pera para sa sarili ko.
Pero sa tuwing hawak ko ang cell phone ko, lagi kong hinahanap ang pangalan niya. Lagi akong nate-tempt na magtext sa kanya, o di naman kaya, tumawag. Nangangati lagi ang darili ko na pindutin ang Write Message i-type ang message ko, i-scroll yung button para makita ko yung number niya, at tapos ipe-press ko yung Send. O kaya naman, i-scroll ko yung button para mahanap yung name niya tapos ipe-press ko yung Call. Kahit na alam ko na mauubos na ang load ko at wala na akong pambili ng credit (dahil kabibigay lang ng papa ko). Kahit na alam kong hindi naman sya magre-reply at hinding-hindi nya ako tatawagan. At kahit kailan hindi na nya gagawin pang magparamdam.
Yehey! Wala na kami. Magkakaroon na ako ng time para sa sarili ko, sa pamilya ko at sa barkada ko.
Pero sa tuwing lalabas ako ng bahay, kasama man ang pamilya o barkada ko, siya lagi ang naaalala ko, na sana, kasama ko siya ngayon. Magkahawak kamay na namamasyal, naglolokohan, nagkukulitan, at nagtatawanan. Tapos, walang katapusang usapan kung saan kakain ng lunch, kung sa Jollibee, McDo, KFC, o sa Kenny. Kung pupunta ba sa isang game arcade para maglaro ng video games o di kaya naman, maglalaro ng basketball or billiards. Tapos, i-hahatid nya ko papauwi sabay nanakawan ng halik habang nasa biyahe.
Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong boyfriend, pwede na akong tumingin sa iba.
Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi na ako magmamahal pa uli. Dahil siya lang ang mahal ko. Siya lang ang nakaka-kumpleto sa araw ko, siya lang yung inspirasyon ko sa mga bagay-bagay. Siya lang yung nakakaintindi sa akin kapag may problema ako. Siya lang yung nakakapagpatahan sa akin kapag umiiyak ako. Siya lang ang buhay ko, siya lang, wala ng iba.
Magmamahal din ako, pero hindi muna ngayon, hindi muna.
Decision.
I really do not want to post about this thing but I just can't help it. Writing about it, I think, will be the only remedy for me.
This thing keeps on running through my mind for about two weeks already. Simula nung pumasok ako sa work, hindi ko talaga naiiwasang isipin yung magresign ulit. For what reason? Nothing. I just don't like my work. Nde sya inimpluwensyahan ng kahit anung reason pa. Basta lang, I just felt na I'm not gonna grow there, doing that work. Kasi naman, I have to do the duties of 3 persons - Guidance Counselor, Disciplinarian, Student Affairs Officer. It's not that I can't do them. Feeling ko lang kasi, GC must be different from the Prefect of Discipline. Ayoko lang ng role confusion kasi I've been there before eh. Tapos when you made a mistake, ikaw yung sisisihin kahit sa simula pa lang eh wala naman talagang job description na binigay sayo. And the worst is, wala pang endorsement ng totoong work sa kin. I mean, pinagresign nila yung pinaltan ko without even asking some endorsements from her, inventory lang. Then yung mga tao dun, hindi rin naman alam yung talagang dapat na work ko. Ang labo lang di ba? Tapos makikielam sila at magsusumbong dahil mali yung nagawa ko. Teka lang, di ba dapat, bago pa ako nagstart and bago nyu pa pinahandle sakin yung job na yun, binigay nyu muna yung rules? Malay ko ba sa rules/traditions nung school na yun? Oh well, kahit san nga naman mei mga nakakainis na tao. Bakit pa ba ako nagtataka di ba? Hahaha :))
I am not really affected naman dun sa mga "epal" na people eh kasi before pa ako magkawork, I promised myself na hindi na ako magpapaapekto sa mga ganung bagay. Kaso lang talaga, hindi na yung mga tao yung prob.eh. Yung work na mismo.
----> So I have finally decided, after 2 weeks of thinking, to give my resignation letter. I just have to wait for the HR Consultant to talk to me next week. Then that's when everything will be alright. (I hope so)
Art of Letting Go.
Art of Letting Go Why do we have to part while the love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we
have to cry when somebody bids goodbye? Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose in the end?
There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone,
songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, promises left unfulfilled.
In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you'll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go, feel not the pain of parting: it is they who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was.
At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that's the way love goes. That's the drama, the bittersweet and the
risk of falling in love. After all, nothing is constant
but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us even knowing why. And we must forget not because we have to but because we have to.
In letting go, sorrows come not as a single spy but in batallion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always reminds you of him. It's like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine, there are billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.
I don't know if it's worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all love stories end with "...and they live happily ever after."
Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to
suffer if it would mean happiness for others. We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pains.
Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It's something we can't control,
something we had to live up.
It's over. He's/She's gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesn't always mean forever. There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled.
Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go"
Dapat nga, tama na. Hahaha :))
Excerpts from my conversation with Roby. Hahaha pinagalitan na naman ako. Hahaha :)) Share ko lang. :)
roby: ayoko naman maulit. kaya 100% ke iris para nde rin siya mganun
richelleanne_14: uu nga tama yan
richelleanne_14: haayz
roby: bakit ba ako hahanap iba
richelleanne_14: uu nga
richelleanne_14: kaya dapat tuminu ka. ay matinu ka na nga pala
roby: ako pa
richelleanne_14: haha uu nga
richelleanne_14: buti pa ikaw matinu mahirap na maghanap ng taong matinu sa panahon ngayun haha
roby: endangered species na daw kami
richelleanne_14: uu haha
richelleanne_14: si marlon nga akala ko matinu eh super pero nde din pala
richelleanne_14: hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala
richelleanne_14: iba talaga sa pagkakakilala namin sa kanya
richelleanne_14: tsk.
roby: ganun na nga pero ganun parin gusto mo
richelleanne_14: eh kasi siguro dahil nasanay ako sa kanya
roby: sa tingin mo kung bumalik yun, nde na nya gagwin un?
richelleanne_14: tsaka siguro mei part pa din sa kin na umaasa na babalik yung dating sya
richelleanne_14: syempre mei possibility
richelleanne_14: malaki
roby: oyan. tapos mauulit nanaman yang ganyan
richelleanne_14: eh kasi naman, bakit ba kasi nagkaganun lahat? hanggang ngayun nde ko pa din naiintindihan eh
richelleanne_14: gusto ko ng explanation
richelleanne_14: ang hirap maging clueless
richelleanne_14: tsk.
roby: wag na
roby: naiputan ka
roby: tapos na yun
richelleanne_14: ganun na lang yun? wala nang closure na maayus?
roby: wag na closure closure
roby: nde naman uso yun dati
richelleanne_14: ganun?
richelleanne_14: eh kasi syempre mahirap yung nde mo alam ikaw pala mei mali
roby: matulis lang yun
richelleanne_14: pag nagmahal ka ulit, baka magawa mo na naman dun sa bago yung mali mo na nde mo naman alam kung anu ba
roby: kahit na meron ka nagawa mali, dapat tanggap niya yun kasi mahal ka nun
roby: meron lang babaeng lumapit
roby: ganun na
roby: marupok
richelleanne_14: sabagay. uu nga ibig sabihin nde nya na talaga ako mahal
richelleanne_14: saklap. sa ganung paraan nya pa ginawa
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Tama na. Maawa ka na sa sarili mo.
PAGOD NA PAGOD NA AKO. Kahit anung gawin ko, ganun na talaga sya. SInaktan nya ako, andito pa rin ako. Ginago nya ako, inintindi ko pa rin sya. Binasura nya ako, gumawa pa rin ako ng paraan. Pero lahat yun, winalang bahala nya lang. Hindi ko maintidihan kung anong nangyari sa lahat lahat. Sa isang iglap, naglaho lang lahat ng ipinundar namin. Mahal ko sya, sobra. Pero bakit ganun? Naging ganito lahat. Nagsasawa na ako. Napapagod na ako. Tama na. Maawa naman ako sa sarili ko. Tang-ina! Tatlong buwan akong naghintay sa paliwanag nya, yun lang ang ibibigay nya? Hindi ko matatanggap yun. Leche. Sana masaya sya sa buhay nya ngayun. Sana balang-araw hindi niya pagsisihan yung mga ginawa nya sakin. Sana lang talaga. Tandaan nya to, kapag dumating yung panahon na hihingi sya ng tawad sakin, hinding-hindi ko ibibigay sa kanya yun. Ilang pagkakataon ang binigay ko sa kanya pero sinayang nya lang. Wala na akong magagawa dun. Tapos na sya sa buhay ko.
**Sige, hindi na ako magpaparamdam sayo. Sana ikaw rin. Lumayo ka na sakin habambuhay. Wag mo nang dagdagan pa yung sakit na binibigay mo sakin. Oo, loser ako. Loser ako kasi hindi ako makamove on tulad nga ng sabi mo. Pero sa araw na makalimutan kita, sinasabi ko sayo, pagsisisihan mo lahat ng ginawa mo sakin.**
Why did I keep quiet?
Alot of people have been asking me the reasons why I kept quiet for so long. They have been asking me why I did not blog everything about us lately. Well, there's no reason really. Prolly, I was just afriad to announce and inform everyone that we are now together because I was afraid of the things people might say about us. It's not that people would be against us. It's just that people will surely ask us questions and questions about how we two have been close with each other, and now, in a relationship. And that will surely piss me off 'cause I don't enjoy making kwento anymore. Yes.
The real story about that is this. Vince and I have been together for about three weeks now. We met through a common friend (Mae) last February 2006. Nobody knew about this. We lost communication for some time then recently, when I was making pasyal in MOA alone, I bumped at him and that started everything we have now. Vince and I's friendship is a lot more different from my ex and I's. We take some time to hang out and not just by texting every hour of everyday. We enjoy simple things and promises nothing but trying our best to make our thing work. Being with Vince for a couple of days only makes me realize a lot of things - that life is really full of surprises. Getting hurt so much and experiencing a lot of pain would just mean that there's still better things that'll happen in the future. So why not risk again? Maybe this is what I've always waited for. :)
Life update.
My life update as of July 24, 2009, 7:31pm.
Work
Still the same issue - resigning from my work. I have given my letter of resignation about two weeks ago already but sadly, the HR manager gave it back to me and didn't allow me to resign. For what reason? I really don't know. Haha I mean, I cannot clearly understand her reason/s for not allowing me. She said so many things kasi and I haven't really absorbed anything from them. Hehehe alam nyu naman ako? Lost. As always. She asked me to give her two months to find my replacement and she even told me that I should not resign immediately so that I can preserve my integrity. What integrity? My integrity? Or hers? Lolz. Btw, now I am calling all Psych graduates who have no work - PM me. Gideon Academy, a Filipino-Chinese school in Pasay City (near Pasay City Hall), opening for Guidance Counselor/Disciplinary Officer/Student Affairs Officer. Not-so-good compensation. Not-so-good people to work with but good-looking students are perfectly present. Lolz. I need you Psych guys. Seriously :)) And syempre, I need another work. Ahahahahaha so if you have openings too for Psych Grad. especially in the Educational field, I am just here. Please PM me. Hehe Back to the "resigning" thingy, I then told myself that I'm gonna make AWOL in the middle of September na lang para makaalis ako dun but kanina, they let me sign the contract na and I was not able to do anything but sign it. Waah! Nakakaasar. But they assured me naman that I can still pass my resignation if I am not really interested anymore given that I submit my resignation letter in a 30-day notice. *Sigh* 30 days? No!! So I have finally, as in F-I-N-A-L-L-Y decided to submit that letter on Monday cause I can't really bear to be there anymore. And I can't wait to be bum again. Ahaha :)) Honestly, I had no problems with the students there. I just really didn't like most of my work and of course, the people there. Hehehe *Peace!* Love What's that word again? Lolz. Well, nothing's been happening in my "lovelife" lately and I am okay with that na. I mean, being single and having no one to be with you is not really that fun but I am already slowly getting used to that now. Hahaha I am starting to enjoy my single life and I am also so much having fun in "tripping" on people and on making "revenge". Ahaha yes guys, I am much meaner than before. 'Cause he made me like that! :)) I just remembered kasi that we promised each other before nga pala that we're gonna make each other's life miserable if anyone of us would left and hurt each other. So now, I am so fulfiiling that promise of ours 'cause I want to change the "promises-are-made-to-be-broken" thing into "whatever-that-promise-is-whether-good-or-bad-I-will-fulfill-it". Hahaha :)) (Sorry Lord.)
Moving On But Not Letting Go.
I've had enough.
No, don't try to reason with me, this is too much.
I will try not to think of you when I wake up in the morning and ask myself if somehow you are also awake. I have my own life to lead and my own life to think of. No, I won't even think of you while I'm eating my lunch wondering if you're doing the same thing, because sooner or later I know you will.
No, never again will I go to the comfort room and lock myself in just to have some privacy to piteously think of you, cry, sing or do some silly things because of you. And no, never will i again think of you last when I go to sleep. Sleep is my only rest, so please don't plague me in my dreams.
I am moving on.
I'll try to wake up in the morning and smile and think not of why you left but that once you stayed.
And if I feel the need to cry, it will not be for the future that we could have, not for the regrets that I have nor of the anger that i feel, but I will cry because of a love that I never was able to share with the one man I felt it for. I will cry for the love that was lost, and not for the man who left.
I will give my affections to any man who is need of it, but not my heart because I still am trying to get it back from you. I will give him the love that you never wanted, the kiss that I so longed to give you and the words that once was yours. Worthy or not worthy of it, at least he's here,you're not.
I'll try to hold back the tears when I think of you. I'll just try to smile.
I am moving on.. and hoping that the next thing would be letting go.
*copied.
COPIED...
COPIED...
Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong aalalahanin, wala na akong iisipin.
Pero hirap akong matulog sa gabi dahil bumabalik yung mga alaala noong magkasama kami. Naiisip ko kung paano niya hawakan yung kamay ko, yung tipong nagsasabing hindi niya ako iiwanan. Kung pano niya ko yakapin, yung nagsasabing lagi niya akong poprotektahan. At kung pano niya ako halikan, yung nagsasabing mahal na mahal nya ako.
Yehey! Wala na kami. Hindi na ako iiyak pa...
Pero kapag gabi nagagawa ko pa ring umiyak, dahil nami-miss ko siya. Nami-miss ko yung mga ngiti niyang nakakaloko, mga jokes niyang corny, mga tingin niyang nakakatunaw, tawa niyang nakakabaliw, pangungulit niya sa akin at kung anu-ano pang kapraningan na ginagawa niya. Nami-miss ko yun...
Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong tatawagan, hindi na ako magte-text sa kanya, at makakaipon na ako ng pera para sa sarili ko.
Pero sa tuwing hawak ko ang cell phone ko, lagi kong hinahanap ang pangalan niya. Lagi akong nate-tempt na magtext sa kanya, o di naman kaya, tumawag. Nangangati lagi ang darili ko na pindutin ang Write Message i-type ang message ko, i-scroll yung button para makita ko yung number niya, at tapos ipe-press ko yung Send. O kaya naman, i-scroll ko yung button para mahanap yung name niya tapos ipe-press ko yung Call. Kahit na alam ko na mauubos na ang load ko at wala na akong pambili ng credit (dahil kabibigay lang ng papa ko). Kahit na alam kong hindi naman sya magre-reply at hinding-hindi nya ako tatawagan. At kahit kailan hindi na nya gagawin pang magparamdam.
Yehey! Wala na kami. Magkakaroon na ako ng time para sa sarili ko, sa pamilya ko at sa barkada ko.
Pero sa tuwing lalabas ako ng bahay, kasama man ang pamilya o barkada ko, siya lagi ang naaalala ko, na sana, kasama ko siya ngayon. Magkahawak kamay na namamasyal, naglolokohan, nagkukulitan, at nagtatawanan. Tapos, walang katapusang usapan kung saan kakain ng lunch, kung sa Jollibee, McDo, KFC, o sa Kenny. Kung pupunta ba sa isang game arcade para maglaro ng video games o di kaya naman, maglalaro ng basketball or billiards. Tapos, i-hahatid nya ko papauwi sabay nanakawan ng halik habang nasa biyahe.
Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong boyfriend, pwede na akong tumingin sa iba.
Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi na ako magmamahal pa uli. Dahil siya lang ang mahal ko. Siya lang ang nakaka-kumpleto sa araw ko, siya lang yung inspirasyon ko sa mga bagay-bagay. Siya lang yung nakakaintindi sa akin kapag may problema ako. Siya lang yung nakakapagpatahan sa akin kapag umiiyak ako. Siya lang ang buhay ko, siya lang, wala ng iba.
Magmamahal din ako, pero hindi muna ngayon, hindi muna.
Decision.
I really do not want to post about this thing but I just can't help it. Writing about it, I think, will be the only remedy for me.
This thing keeps on running through my mind for about two weeks already. Simula nung pumasok ako sa work, hindi ko talaga naiiwasang isipin yung magresign ulit. For what reason? Nothing. I just don't like my work. Nde sya inimpluwensyahan ng kahit anung reason pa. Basta lang, I just felt na I'm not gonna grow there, doing that work. Kasi naman, I have to do the duties of 3 persons - Guidance Counselor, Disciplinarian, Student Affairs Officer. It's not that I can't do them. Feeling ko lang kasi, GC must be different from the Prefect of Discipline. Ayoko lang ng role confusion kasi I've been there before eh. Tapos when you made a mistake, ikaw yung sisisihin kahit sa simula pa lang eh wala naman talagang job description na binigay sayo. And the worst is, wala pang endorsement ng totoong work sa kin. I mean, pinagresign nila yung pinaltan ko without even asking some endorsements from her, inventory lang. Then yung mga tao dun, hindi rin naman alam yung talagang dapat na work ko. Ang labo lang di ba? Tapos makikielam sila at magsusumbong dahil mali yung nagawa ko. Teka lang, di ba dapat, bago pa ako nagstart and bago nyu pa pinahandle sakin yung job na yun, binigay nyu muna yung rules? Malay ko ba sa rules/traditions nung school na yun? Oh well, kahit san nga naman mei mga nakakainis na tao. Bakit pa ba ako nagtataka di ba? Hahaha :))
I am not really affected naman dun sa mga "epal" na people eh kasi before pa ako magkawork, I promised myself na hindi na ako magpapaapekto sa mga ganung bagay. Kaso lang talaga, hindi na yung mga tao yung prob.eh. Yung work na mismo.
----> So I have finally decided, after 2 weeks of thinking, to give my resignation letter. I just have to wait for the HR Consultant to talk to me next week. Then that's when everything will be alright. (I hope so)
Art of Letting Go.
Art of Letting Go Why do we have to part while the love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we
have to cry when somebody bids goodbye? Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose in the end?
There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone,
songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, promises left unfulfilled.
In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you'll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go, feel not the pain of parting: it is they who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was.
At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that's the way love goes. That's the drama, the bittersweet and the
risk of falling in love. After all, nothing is constant
but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us even knowing why. And we must forget not because we have to but because we have to.
In letting go, sorrows come not as a single spy but in batallion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always reminds you of him. It's like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine, there are billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.
I don't know if it's worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all love stories end with "...and they live happily ever after."
Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to
suffer if it would mean happiness for others. We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pains.
Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It's something we can't control,
something we had to live up.
It's over. He's/She's gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesn't always mean forever. There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled.
Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go"
Dapat nga, tama na. Hahaha :))
Excerpts from my conversation with Roby. Hahaha pinagalitan na naman ako. Hahaha :)) Share ko lang. :)
roby: ayoko naman maulit. kaya 100% ke iris para nde rin siya mganun
richelleanne_14: uu nga tama yan
richelleanne_14: haayz
roby: bakit ba ako hahanap iba
richelleanne_14: uu nga
richelleanne_14: kaya dapat tuminu ka. ay matinu ka na nga pala
roby: ako pa
richelleanne_14: haha uu nga
richelleanne_14: buti pa ikaw matinu mahirap na maghanap ng taong matinu sa panahon ngayun haha
roby: endangered species na daw kami
richelleanne_14: uu haha
richelleanne_14: si marlon nga akala ko matinu eh super pero nde din pala
richelleanne_14: hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala
richelleanne_14: iba talaga sa pagkakakilala namin sa kanya
richelleanne_14: tsk.
roby: ganun na nga pero ganun parin gusto mo
richelleanne_14: eh kasi siguro dahil nasanay ako sa kanya
roby: sa tingin mo kung bumalik yun, nde na nya gagwin un?
richelleanne_14: tsaka siguro mei part pa din sa kin na umaasa na babalik yung dating sya
richelleanne_14: syempre mei possibility
richelleanne_14: malaki
roby: oyan. tapos mauulit nanaman yang ganyan
richelleanne_14: eh kasi naman, bakit ba kasi nagkaganun lahat? hanggang ngayun nde ko pa din naiintindihan eh
richelleanne_14: gusto ko ng explanation
richelleanne_14: ang hirap maging clueless
richelleanne_14: tsk.
roby: wag na
roby: naiputan ka
roby: tapos na yun
richelleanne_14: ganun na lang yun? wala nang closure na maayus?
roby: wag na closure closure
roby: nde naman uso yun dati
richelleanne_14: ganun?
richelleanne_14: eh kasi syempre mahirap yung nde mo alam ikaw pala mei mali
roby: matulis lang yun
richelleanne_14: pag nagmahal ka ulit, baka magawa mo na naman dun sa bago yung mali mo na nde mo naman alam kung anu ba
roby: kahit na meron ka nagawa mali, dapat tanggap niya yun kasi mahal ka nun
roby: meron lang babaeng lumapit
roby: ganun na
roby: marupok
richelleanne_14: sabagay. uu nga ibig sabihin nde nya na talaga ako mahal
richelleanne_14: saklap. sa ganung paraan nya pa ginawa
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