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Yo!
Hello. Welcome to my blog. Read stories about my life
and everything under the sun. This blog is edited by ME. Copyrighted 2009 by misspiggiebanks.blogspot.com .
COPYCATS, Posers and Rippers are not welcome here! Strictly . Please leave a comment and thanks for viewing. Enjoy!
Hello! :)
I'm Richelle Anne de Castro Bartolome, normally called Chelle or Rich.
A 22-year old lady from Sta. Cruz, Manila who loves to express her randomness through her online journal. A Thomasian by heart. A counselor who loves to give advices but finds
it difficult to deal with her own miseries in love and life. An introvert, trying to live her life outside her box. And a hopeless romantic who would do
anything for her real prince charming. Ü Follow me?
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Eh...
What I want for 2012.
Ayun oh.
Random. T____T
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Ayoko na.
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Confused - as always.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 | Time: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
Hindi ba pwedeng magdesisyon ng walang kokontra? O hindi ba pwedeng hindi ako maapektuhan sa sinasabi nila?
Ang hirap pag immature ka. Hindi mo alam kung san mo ilulugar yung sarili mo. Yung tipong gusto mo nito pero gusto mo rin to. Yung tipong walang isang desisyon. Ako yun eh. Isang masaklap na katotohanang nde ko alam kung bakit laging pinapamukha sa akin. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi hanggang ngayon ganito pa rin ako. Wala akong magawa eh. Nakakalungkot.
Ang daming bagay yung gusto kong gawin ngayon. Mga desisyon na magbabago sa buhay ko. Alam ko kailangan ko rin ng opinyon ng ibang tao, lalo na ng mga magulang ko. Pero panu pag ayaw ko ng gusto nila kasi ibang bagay yung gusto ko? Anung gagawin ko? Ngayun lang kasi nangyari sa kin to eh. Kasi eversince naman, supportive sila. pero bakit ngayung dapat ako na yung gumagawa ng mga desisyon para sa sarili ko, ganito pa?
YOU FIRST BELIEVED.
Monday, January 26, 2009 | Time: Monday, January 26, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
YOU FIRST BELIEVED
HOKU
How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace
So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
There were times
When I thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
WEAK.
Sunday, January 25, 2009 | Time: Sunday, January 25, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
WEAK
I don't know what it is that you've done to me
But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way
What ever it is that you do when you do what your doing
It's a feeling I want to stay
Cause my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the cause and cure is you.
I get so
Weak in the knees
I can hardly speak
I loose all control
And something takes over me
In a daze, it is so amazing
It's not a phase
I want you to stay with me
By my side
I swallow my pride
Your love is so sweet
It knocks me right off of my feet
Can't explain
Why your lovin makes me weak
Time after time after time
I try to fight it
But your love strong
It keeps on holding on
Resistance is down
When your around
Cries fading
In my condition
I don't want to be alone
I try hard to fight it
No way can I deny it
Your love so sweet
Knocks me off my feet
-I get so weak-
Blood starts racing
through my veins
-I get so weak-
Boy it's something
I can't explain
-I get so weak-
Something bout the way ya do
The things you do-o-o it
Knock right off of my feet(off my feet)
Can't explain why your love
It makes me weak
And it all happened.
Sa sobrang bilis nung mga pangyayari, hindi ko na alam kung nasan ako. Ang hirap nung situation na tipong hindi mo alam kung anu na yung nasa isip mo. Yung tipong pati yung sarli mo, hindi mo na rin maintindihan. Ayoko nang magsalita. Pagod na ako eh. Mahal ko sya. Totoo yun - kung yun lang ang dapat tanungin. Pero hindi eh. Mei mga ibang bagay pang dapat iconsider. Minsan nga naiisip ko, parang mas ok pa yung situation ko noon. Yung hindi ako mahal ng taong mahal ko. Parang mas ok pa yung ikaw lang yung namromroblema sa mga ginagawa mo, yung ikaw lang yung nakakaramdam nung pagmamahal na yun. Walang nagkakasakitan. Ikaw lang. Parang mas ok pa yung ganun sa totoo lang. Kasi yung ngayun, ang hirap eh. Mahal nyu nga yung isa't-isa, ganito naman yung nangyayari sa inyu. Mahal nyu nga yung isa't-isa pero hindi naman kayo nagkakaintindihan. Mas ok pa ata yung ikaw na lang yung nakakaintindi sa sarili mo at least, walang away, walang gulo. Nakakalungkot alng kasi after 2 years, magiging ganito lang lahat. Although hindi ko naman sinasabi na tapos na talaga. Pero sa lahat lahat nung mga bagay na napagdaanan namin, naging ganito.
Alam ko selfish ako. Aminado ako dun. Siguro nga totoo yung sinabi nya na kaya sya naging ganun kasi dahil rin sakin. Kaya nga eto na eh, hahayaan ko na lang muna sya sa buhay nya. Para maging ok. Gusto rin naman nya yun eh. Para kahit papanu hindi nya na maramdaman yung mga ibinibigay kong sakit sa kanya. Masama kasi ako eh. Sobra.
...
Saturday, January 24, 2009 | Time: Saturday, January 24, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so
------------------------------------------
I tried to run from your side
but each place I hide
it only reminds me of you
when I turn out all the light
even the night
it only reminds me of you
------------------------------------------
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
And I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
Glowing ember
Burning hot and burning slow
Deep within I'm shaken
By the violence of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
Yes, things have turned the other way around. Not for me, but for him. :(
Parang kakapost ko lang nung isang araw ng isang magandang blog about our situation (Justifying Myself) pero talagang mabilis ang oras at mga pangyayari at nag-iba na naman ang ikot ng mundo.
Totoo nga, things have turned the other way around now, not for me but for him. Hindi ko alam kugn anung nangyayari sa min sa situation namin ngayun eh. Ang bilis kasi ng mga pangyayari. Alam mo yun? Yung tipong biglang hindi magiging ok lahat.
Nahihirapan ako. Sa totoo lang. Lalu na dun sa fact na ganun yung tingin nya sa mga bagay bagay. Masakit. Kasi ang tagal tagal na namin tas ganito pa. Kasi kahit kelan, ganito. Parang wala na atang magbabago. Hindi ko alam.
Alam ko mei prob.din ako. I mean, ako nga ata talaga yung prob.dito eh. Pero bakti ganito? Nagsawa na ba sya sa kin? Sa ugali ko? Hindi na ba nya kaya lahat? Ang sabi nya nde magbabago yung nararamdaman nya para sakin eh. Pero bakit ganito? Nasasaktan ako. Nararamdaman kong nagbago na lahat yun. kahit nde nya inaamin.
Ang hirap manghula. Ang hirap maging clueless.
Haay.
Fading Love...
Thursday, January 22, 2009 | Time: Thursday, January 22, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
Is it true that love fades away? How can you say that the person who once loved you is starting to change his feelings for you especially if he's not admitting it? How can you say what's going on in his mind? It's hard to guess what others want nor what they really think and feel. And it's harder to admit to yourself that the person who you need so badly has changed the way he look at you.
Justifying Myself.
Monday, January 19, 2009 | Time: Monday, January 19, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
I have so many paper works to do now but this whole stuff keeps on running through my mind. Actually, it's been here for a couple of months already and I can't help but still think about it until now. I don't know if I will remain sane if I'm gonna still entertain these thoughts but for my 'own' relief, I think I need to do this.
I don't know if contemplating about this stupid thing is right, especially at my age now. But still, I am trying to find a way to justify myself so hope you'll bear with me. :)
Before, I really hate talking about this thing in our relationship. I always tell him that it's too early for us to say if we are going to marry each other. I used to tell him that because it's my first relationship and I felt as if I want to just play and have fun with it. We used to argue so much about it before until it seems that things have turned the other way around.
It's not that he does not have that thought anymore. It's just that, that same feeling suddenly grew so intense inside of me.
I really love this guy. He is not the guy all girls dream of. But I can say that he is the one guy who will try to do his best just to be that one guy you'll want to live with forever. I did not imagine that my feelings for him will be so intense this early. I truly love him that I don't want to spend a day without him by my side. I swear. I want to marry him NOW. But how can I do that? Will my parents allow me? But all I can do is wait for that moment to come when I can be with him 24/7. All i can do is wait and imagine how my life would be with him. I really love him and I don't want to lose this guy in my life.
He is not perfect. He was not the one I dreamt of when I was young. But now, he is the only one I want. He is the only one I need. And he is the only one I want to spend my life with - and I want it to start NOW.
I Am Still the Same. :(
Friday, January 16, 2009 | Time: Friday, January 16, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
The "most-awaited" day is soon arriving, the day we have all been waiting for. Every nerve-racking day we have been through counts for this one escape we can do. This day is one of the two rewards we have been begging for to come. Every day of our existence in this world tends to be a struggle for each of us who sees the “real” environment we have been trying to live in for the past year. We all thought that this new chapter in our lives would be an experience worth sharing for but we were all wrong. All of us only dreamt to have a good life. A good life not measured by the material things we can get but by the real meaning and the purpose of why we were there. But it hurt us every time we encounter instances we never thought would occur especially in that place where all good things are expected. It let us think that we have made one big mistake in our lives in which only us can be blamed. Honestly, these events in my life (especially after our Graduation day) made me feel that I am more inferior to others. Those events make me feel that I don’t deserve to have a good life like my friends and my batch mates. I never had enough confidence in my life since I was a child. I admit it. And it hurts me more that the situations I am encountering for the past year makes me feel it more. I feel so pathetic because whenever I am in a situation where I can prove my worth, I always lose even the remaining pieces of my confidence which was never really there. I have been trying all my life to prove others – and myself - wrong. I have been trying to be a self-assured person knowing that I came from a good school and received a good training. But still, I haven’t acquired that skill I really wish I had ever since I was born. I don’t know if I can get through that reality I was trying to escape from all this time. And again, the arriving situation threatens me. I am again losing my poise as a person. I am again losing the remaining confidence I have. I am afraid of what the future might bring me for the coming months. I am afraid that I can get no job if I am going to resign from my current work. But still, I am decided that I will pursue it because if I weigh things, I don’t imagine living my life with them anymore. I just wish that when that thing arrived, I can stand tall and be more confident as I should be. 
Here We Are Again.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009 | Time: Wednesday, January 14, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
Here we are again, fighting about the same old things we used to. Nakakasawa. Nakakainis. Pero bakit hindi ko magawang tapusin lahat yun? Bakit hindi ko magawang iwanan sya at humanap ng iba? Yung makakasundo ko sa lahat ng bagay? Sa totoo lang, I am starting to miss him. Pero wala akong magawa kundi magmukmok dito at maghintay. Hindi ko rin kasi siguro matanggap na kahit anung mangyari, hindi ko sya kayang baguhin. Ganun sya eh. Dapat tanggap ko siya kahit anu pang klaseng tao sya. Pero bakit ganito ako? Hanging question. Saklap.
Back to Reality.
Back to reality - back to normal - back to work.
Whether or not I like it, I need to go back to this place, see the old people, be with them and live this life. Honestly, I wished that January will not come that fast but it didn't. It's not that I am being bitter or I feel so much hatred about this place and this certain point in my life, maybe I just want to have a BIG change. For the past few days, I've been thinking about giving in to and taking some things I know will bring a major change in my life. They are neither bad nor good but still, I am thankful coz I am still in reality that I got to think first before I do those.Until now, I can say that I still don't know myself. Yes. It's hard to admit but it's true. I feel so sad about myself coz at this stage of my life, I should know what I really want but it's not happening.
How pathetic. Pero at least, I have naman some plans for this year. :)
Plans for 2009:
1. Resign. Resign. Resign. - Oh how I wish January 27 will come early. *sigh*
2. Look for another work. - Of course, I need this to survive. :)
3. Study. - Undecided. Ayoko na eh. I've changed my mind. LOL.
4. Change my way of thinking. (or maybe, give in to what I am thinking. Hahaha) - Kalimutan muna ang bagay na yun. Masyado ka pang bata, iha. :)
5. Know myself better. - Sana nga. :(
6. Go out of town. - Naman. Kahit once lang. Please. :)
7. ?
8. ?
9. ?
10. ?
* Iisipin ko muna yung iba... Ang hirap eh. :( *
|
Confused - as always.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 | Time: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
Hindi ba pwedeng magdesisyon ng walang kokontra? O hindi ba pwedeng hindi ako maapektuhan sa sinasabi nila?
Ang hirap pag immature ka. Hindi mo alam kung san mo ilulugar yung sarili mo. Yung tipong gusto mo nito pero gusto mo rin to. Yung tipong walang isang desisyon. Ako yun eh. Isang masaklap na katotohanang nde ko alam kung bakit laging pinapamukha sa akin. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi hanggang ngayon ganito pa rin ako. Wala akong magawa eh. Nakakalungkot.
Ang daming bagay yung gusto kong gawin ngayon. Mga desisyon na magbabago sa buhay ko. Alam ko kailangan ko rin ng opinyon ng ibang tao, lalo na ng mga magulang ko. Pero panu pag ayaw ko ng gusto nila kasi ibang bagay yung gusto ko? Anung gagawin ko? Ngayun lang kasi nangyari sa kin to eh. Kasi eversince naman, supportive sila. pero bakit ngayung dapat ako na yung gumagawa ng mga desisyon para sa sarili ko, ganito pa?
YOU FIRST BELIEVED.
Monday, January 26, 2009 | Time: Monday, January 26, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
YOU FIRST BELIEVED
HOKU
How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace
So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
There were times
When I thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
WEAK.
Sunday, January 25, 2009 | Time: Sunday, January 25, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
WEAK
I don't know what it is that you've done to me
But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way
What ever it is that you do when you do what your doing
It's a feeling I want to stay
Cause my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the cause and cure is you.
I get so
Weak in the knees
I can hardly speak
I loose all control
And something takes over me
In a daze, it is so amazing
It's not a phase
I want you to stay with me
By my side
I swallow my pride
Your love is so sweet
It knocks me right off of my feet
Can't explain
Why your lovin makes me weak
Time after time after time
I try to fight it
But your love strong
It keeps on holding on
Resistance is down
When your around
Cries fading
In my condition
I don't want to be alone
I try hard to fight it
No way can I deny it
Your love so sweet
Knocks me off my feet
-I get so weak-
Blood starts racing
through my veins
-I get so weak-
Boy it's something
I can't explain
-I get so weak-
Something bout the way ya do
The things you do-o-o it
Knock right off of my feet(off my feet)
Can't explain why your love
It makes me weak
And it all happened.
Sa sobrang bilis nung mga pangyayari, hindi ko na alam kung nasan ako. Ang hirap nung situation na tipong hindi mo alam kung anu na yung nasa isip mo. Yung tipong pati yung sarli mo, hindi mo na rin maintindihan. Ayoko nang magsalita. Pagod na ako eh. Mahal ko sya. Totoo yun - kung yun lang ang dapat tanungin. Pero hindi eh. Mei mga ibang bagay pang dapat iconsider. Minsan nga naiisip ko, parang mas ok pa yung situation ko noon. Yung hindi ako mahal ng taong mahal ko. Parang mas ok pa yung ikaw lang yung namromroblema sa mga ginagawa mo, yung ikaw lang yung nakakaramdam nung pagmamahal na yun. Walang nagkakasakitan. Ikaw lang. Parang mas ok pa yung ganun sa totoo lang. Kasi yung ngayun, ang hirap eh. Mahal nyu nga yung isa't-isa, ganito naman yung nangyayari sa inyu. Mahal nyu nga yung isa't-isa pero hindi naman kayo nagkakaintindihan. Mas ok pa ata yung ikaw na lang yung nakakaintindi sa sarili mo at least, walang away, walang gulo. Nakakalungkot alng kasi after 2 years, magiging ganito lang lahat. Although hindi ko naman sinasabi na tapos na talaga. Pero sa lahat lahat nung mga bagay na napagdaanan namin, naging ganito.
Alam ko selfish ako. Aminado ako dun. Siguro nga totoo yung sinabi nya na kaya sya naging ganun kasi dahil rin sakin. Kaya nga eto na eh, hahayaan ko na lang muna sya sa buhay nya. Para maging ok. Gusto rin naman nya yun eh. Para kahit papanu hindi nya na maramdaman yung mga ibinibigay kong sakit sa kanya. Masama kasi ako eh. Sobra.
...
Saturday, January 24, 2009 | Time: Saturday, January 24, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so
------------------------------------------
I tried to run from your side
but each place I hide
it only reminds me of you
when I turn out all the light
even the night
it only reminds me of you
------------------------------------------
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
And I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
Glowing ember
Burning hot and burning slow
Deep within I'm shaken
By the violence of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
Yes, things have turned the other way around. Not for me, but for him. :(
Parang kakapost ko lang nung isang araw ng isang magandang blog about our situation (Justifying Myself) pero talagang mabilis ang oras at mga pangyayari at nag-iba na naman ang ikot ng mundo.
Totoo nga, things have turned the other way around now, not for me but for him. Hindi ko alam kugn anung nangyayari sa min sa situation namin ngayun eh. Ang bilis kasi ng mga pangyayari. Alam mo yun? Yung tipong biglang hindi magiging ok lahat.
Nahihirapan ako. Sa totoo lang. Lalu na dun sa fact na ganun yung tingin nya sa mga bagay bagay. Masakit. Kasi ang tagal tagal na namin tas ganito pa. Kasi kahit kelan, ganito. Parang wala na atang magbabago. Hindi ko alam.
Alam ko mei prob.din ako. I mean, ako nga ata talaga yung prob.dito eh. Pero bakti ganito? Nagsawa na ba sya sa kin? Sa ugali ko? Hindi na ba nya kaya lahat? Ang sabi nya nde magbabago yung nararamdaman nya para sakin eh. Pero bakit ganito? Nasasaktan ako. Nararamdaman kong nagbago na lahat yun. kahit nde nya inaamin.
Ang hirap manghula. Ang hirap maging clueless.
Haay.
Fading Love...
Thursday, January 22, 2009 | Time: Thursday, January 22, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
Is it true that love fades away? How can you say that the person who once loved you is starting to change his feelings for you especially if he's not admitting it? How can you say what's going on in his mind? It's hard to guess what others want nor what they really think and feel. And it's harder to admit to yourself that the person who you need so badly has changed the way he look at you.
Justifying Myself.
Monday, January 19, 2009 | Time: Monday, January 19, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
I have so many paper works to do now but this whole stuff keeps on running through my mind. Actually, it's been here for a couple of months already and I can't help but still think about it until now. I don't know if I will remain sane if I'm gonna still entertain these thoughts but for my 'own' relief, I think I need to do this.
I don't know if contemplating about this stupid thing is right, especially at my age now. But still, I am trying to find a way to justify myself so hope you'll bear with me. :)
Before, I really hate talking about this thing in our relationship. I always tell him that it's too early for us to say if we are going to marry each other. I used to tell him that because it's my first relationship and I felt as if I want to just play and have fun with it. We used to argue so much about it before until it seems that things have turned the other way around.
It's not that he does not have that thought anymore. It's just that, that same feeling suddenly grew so intense inside of me.
I really love this guy. He is not the guy all girls dream of. But I can say that he is the one guy who will try to do his best just to be that one guy you'll want to live with forever. I did not imagine that my feelings for him will be so intense this early. I truly love him that I don't want to spend a day without him by my side. I swear. I want to marry him NOW. But how can I do that? Will my parents allow me? But all I can do is wait for that moment to come when I can be with him 24/7. All i can do is wait and imagine how my life would be with him. I really love him and I don't want to lose this guy in my life.
He is not perfect. He was not the one I dreamt of when I was young. But now, he is the only one I want. He is the only one I need. And he is the only one I want to spend my life with - and I want it to start NOW.
I Am Still the Same. :(
Friday, January 16, 2009 | Time: Friday, January 16, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
The "most-awaited" day is soon arriving, the day we have all been waiting for. Every nerve-racking day we have been through counts for this one escape we can do. This day is one of the two rewards we have been begging for to come. Every day of our existence in this world tends to be a struggle for each of us who sees the “real” environment we have been trying to live in for the past year. We all thought that this new chapter in our lives would be an experience worth sharing for but we were all wrong. All of us only dreamt to have a good life. A good life not measured by the material things we can get but by the real meaning and the purpose of why we were there. But it hurt us every time we encounter instances we never thought would occur especially in that place where all good things are expected. It let us think that we have made one big mistake in our lives in which only us can be blamed. Honestly, these events in my life (especially after our Graduation day) made me feel that I am more inferior to others. Those events make me feel that I don’t deserve to have a good life like my friends and my batch mates. I never had enough confidence in my life since I was a child. I admit it. And it hurts me more that the situations I am encountering for the past year makes me feel it more. I feel so pathetic because whenever I am in a situation where I can prove my worth, I always lose even the remaining pieces of my confidence which was never really there. I have been trying all my life to prove others – and myself - wrong. I have been trying to be a self-assured person knowing that I came from a good school and received a good training. But still, I haven’t acquired that skill I really wish I had ever since I was born. I don’t know if I can get through that reality I was trying to escape from all this time. And again, the arriving situation threatens me. I am again losing my poise as a person. I am again losing the remaining confidence I have. I am afraid of what the future might bring me for the coming months. I am afraid that I can get no job if I am going to resign from my current work. But still, I am decided that I will pursue it because if I weigh things, I don’t imagine living my life with them anymore. I just wish that when that thing arrived, I can stand tall and be more confident as I should be.
Here We Are Again.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009 | Time: Wednesday, January 14, 2009 |
0 tears dropped
Here we are again, fighting about the same old things we used to. Nakakasawa. Nakakainis. Pero bakit hindi ko magawang tapusin lahat yun? Bakit hindi ko magawang iwanan sya at humanap ng iba? Yung makakasundo ko sa lahat ng bagay? Sa totoo lang, I am starting to miss him. Pero wala akong magawa kundi magmukmok dito at maghintay. Hindi ko rin kasi siguro matanggap na kahit anung mangyari, hindi ko sya kayang baguhin. Ganun sya eh. Dapat tanggap ko siya kahit anu pang klaseng tao sya. Pero bakit ganito ako? Hanging question. Saklap.
Back to Reality.
Back to reality - back to normal - back to work.
Whether or not I like it, I need to go back to this place, see the old people, be with them and live this life. Honestly, I wished that January will not come that fast but it didn't. It's not that I am being bitter or I feel so much hatred about this place and this certain point in my life, maybe I just want to have a BIG change. For the past few days, I've been thinking about giving in to and taking some things I know will bring a major change in my life. They are neither bad nor good but still, I am thankful coz I am still in reality that I got to think first before I do those.Until now, I can say that I still don't know myself. Yes. It's hard to admit but it's true. I feel so sad about myself coz at this stage of my life, I should know what I really want but it's not happening.
How pathetic. Pero at least, I have naman some plans for this year. :)
Plans for 2009:
1. Resign. Resign. Resign. - Oh how I wish January 27 will come early. *sigh*
2. Look for another work. - Of course, I need this to survive. :)
3. Study. - Undecided. Ayoko na eh. I've changed my mind. LOL.
4. Change my way of thinking. (or maybe, give in to what I am thinking. Hahaha) - Kalimutan muna ang bagay na yun. Masyado ka pang bata, iha. :)
5. Know myself better. - Sana nga. :(
6. Go out of town. - Naman. Kahit once lang. Please. :)
7. ?
8. ?
9. ?
10. ?
* Iisipin ko muna yung iba... Ang hirap eh. :( *
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