Inaaamin ko, wala akong sariling disposisyon sa buhay. Wala nga akong panagarap dati eh. Ni course na kukunin ko sa college hindi ko alam. Kaya kadalasan, nag-gogo with-the-flow na lang ako. Hindi ko alam bakit ganito ako. Ewan. Walang idea. Minsan nga gusto ko na rin gawan ng case study yung sarili ko eh. Yung tipong iintindihin at hahanapan ko rin ng dahilan kung bakit ako naging ganito. Pero alam kong hindi yun magiging ganung kadali lahat. Napapaisip lang kasi ako. Bakit kaya ako ganito? Super emotional, hindi alam kung anong talagang gusto sa buhay. Ilang bagay lang sa sarili ko yug talagang alam ko. Yung mga hindi pa importanteng bagay. Ang saklap talaga. Mahirap, sa totoo lang. Lalo na sa sitwasyon ngayon.

MARLIE a.k.a. fishie

It was payday last friday. Almost all working people are waiting for that day. Of course. The money that they'll be getting means alot to be able to live. But last payday was really disappointing. Hell disappointing. I was really expecting that I'll be getting alot of deductions for that day. Yes. (Because of the golden-priced stuffs that I always buy from the school canteen and the other deductions like the SSS, Pag-ibig, and the MAPSA retirement chuchu). But i was not expecting that an amount of (tumataginting na) P1280 will also be deducted from my super-laking-napakajust salary.

It was very disappointing. I felt like I was a housemaid. A graduate of the Pontifical and Royal Catholic University of the Philippines working as a Guidance Counselor and yet paid like a maid? Disappointing, right? I am not really earning much. A family won't even survive with it. But it's really okay if that tax will be deducted. It's normal. I mean, all workers are paying their duties but what really makes me mad is because the cashier of our school (who shouldn't really be in charge of the compensation and benefits) didn't even explain to us why she didn't deduct that stupid taxes just the same time as my co-teachers' who recieved their deductions last october pa.. If she can deduct them now from all of us, then why should she wait for the next pay day to deduct from the other teachers? That is the question that keeps running through my mind. Nakakainis eh. It makes me think tuloy na nananadya sya or something. You know. Namemersonal.

Things have been happening so fast lately. I haven't even managed to write a blog about it because things happen unnoticeably. I've been through alot lately and I guess this is the perfect moment for me to tell others about it. What you are going to read shows my 'turn-off' side which I really tried to hide. But I guess this thing won't neither detroy nor enhance me as a person that's why I am taking the risk to blog about it.

Things these fast few days (and months) went like this...

Last september I took an entrance exam at the Philippine Normal University coz I am planning to take up my masters degree in Guidance and Counseling. I luckily passed that exam and decided to enroll for the second semester. I enrolled in one subject (every saturday, from 2-5 in the afternoon) last October 31 with my mom (worst enrollment ever!) and I attended my first class last november 7. For the first time in my history as a student, that was the first time I am going to study in another school again (after my nursery years) and also the first time I was LATE. Yes you're right. I am. I arrived at maybe 5 minutes after 1 o'clock. All of my classmates were already inside the room, chatting with each other. The professor was also there, seated at the front, already signing the registration forms. I immediately seated in the chair in the center of the room. The class were dismissed at 3 pm and the professor only oriented us with what the subject is all about and what her requirements are - a Guidance and Counseling Action Plan to be submitted at the end of semester and for us to attend two organizational seminars. Overall, the professor seemed to be kind. My classmates were a bit intimidating but i guess i can be able to interact with them normally. Sounds interesting, right?

But as days pass by, I've decided that i am going to drop my subject and continue my graduate studies during summer. Honestly, i really don't know what's going in my mind right now. I started to feel lazy and I felt that this is not the time for me to do that even if I know that I need it - for the license, of course and for my personal growth. At first, I must admit that I am excited to be doing school works just like a college student or what. But as the days pass, I got to be 'tanga'. I am not an achievement-striver person. I must admit that it's okay for me to be a "nobody" in this world. I don't wish to be a known person or a boss in a company. All I ever wanted is to live a good normal life that's why I really don't bother if I tend to be 'walang isang salita' at all.

Inaaamin ko, wala akong sariling disposisyon sa buhay. Wala nga akong panagarap dati eh. Ni course na kukunin ko sa college hindi ko alam. Kaya kadalasan, nag-gogo with-the-flow na lang ako. Hindi ko alam bakit ganito ako. Ewan. Walang idea. Minsan nga gusto ko na rin gawan ng case study yung sarili ko eh. Yung tipong iintindihin at hahanapan ko rin ng dahilan kung bakit ako naging ganito. Pero alam kong hindi yun magiging ganung kadali lahat. Napapaisip lang kasi ako. Bakit kaya ako ganito? Super emotional, hindi alam kung anong talagang gusto sa buhay. Ilang bagay lang sa sarili ko yug talagang alam ko. Yung mga hindi pa importanteng bagay. Ang saklap talaga. Mahirap, sa totoo lang. Lalo na sa sitwasyon ngayon.

MARLIE a.k.a. fishie

It was payday last friday. Almost all working people are waiting for that day. Of course. The money that they'll be getting means alot to be able to live. But last payday was really disappointing. Hell disappointing. I was really expecting that I'll be getting alot of deductions for that day. Yes. (Because of the golden-priced stuffs that I always buy from the school canteen and the other deductions like the SSS, Pag-ibig, and the MAPSA retirement chuchu). But i was not expecting that an amount of (tumataginting na) P1280 will also be deducted from my super-laking-napakajust salary.

It was very disappointing. I felt like I was a housemaid. A graduate of the Pontifical and Royal Catholic University of the Philippines working as a Guidance Counselor and yet paid like a maid? Disappointing, right? I am not really earning much. A family won't even survive with it. But it's really okay if that tax will be deducted. It's normal. I mean, all workers are paying their duties but what really makes me mad is because the cashier of our school (who shouldn't really be in charge of the compensation and benefits) didn't even explain to us why she didn't deduct that stupid taxes just the same time as my co-teachers' who recieved their deductions last october pa.. If she can deduct them now from all of us, then why should she wait for the next pay day to deduct from the other teachers? That is the question that keeps running through my mind. Nakakainis eh. It makes me think tuloy na nananadya sya or something. You know. Namemersonal.

Things have been happening so fast lately. I haven't even managed to write a blog about it because things happen unnoticeably. I've been through alot lately and I guess this is the perfect moment for me to tell others about it. What you are going to read shows my 'turn-off' side which I really tried to hide. But I guess this thing won't neither detroy nor enhance me as a person that's why I am taking the risk to blog about it.

Things these fast few days (and months) went like this...

Last september I took an entrance exam at the Philippine Normal University coz I am planning to take up my masters degree in Guidance and Counseling. I luckily passed that exam and decided to enroll for the second semester. I enrolled in one subject (every saturday, from 2-5 in the afternoon) last October 31 with my mom (worst enrollment ever!) and I attended my first class last november 7. For the first time in my history as a student, that was the first time I am going to study in another school again (after my nursery years) and also the first time I was LATE. Yes you're right. I am. I arrived at maybe 5 minutes after 1 o'clock. All of my classmates were already inside the room, chatting with each other. The professor was also there, seated at the front, already signing the registration forms. I immediately seated in the chair in the center of the room. The class were dismissed at 3 pm and the professor only oriented us with what the subject is all about and what her requirements are - a Guidance and Counseling Action Plan to be submitted at the end of semester and for us to attend two organizational seminars. Overall, the professor seemed to be kind. My classmates were a bit intimidating but i guess i can be able to interact with them normally. Sounds interesting, right?

But as days pass by, I've decided that i am going to drop my subject and continue my graduate studies during summer. Honestly, i really don't know what's going in my mind right now. I started to feel lazy and I felt that this is not the time for me to do that even if I know that I need it - for the license, of course and for my personal growth. At first, I must admit that I am excited to be doing school works just like a college student or what. But as the days pass, I got to be 'tanga'. I am not an achievement-striver person. I must admit that it's okay for me to be a "nobody" in this world. I don't wish to be a known person or a boss in a company. All I ever wanted is to live a good normal life that's why I really don't bother if I tend to be 'walang isang salita' at all.